Morpheus GlassesMorpheus: I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.

A great quote form a frik’n awesome move. But life is not like the Matrix now is it? I don’t know Kung Fu, but I do know judo (We’ll get to that some other time).

So, how do you start this blog thing? You just type and others reply to your rambling thoughts? I’ve thought hard about how to start this, and what to expect. But I guess you could say I’m tired, tired of it all.

I was borne with Congenial Nystagmus; I have a visual acuity of 20/400 with out correction. Legally Blind as they say, stuck between seeing and not seeing, seeing enough to get around and do many normal things, (including photography) but not enough to be able to drive, or at least at this point for various personal reasons get around independently. Congenital Nystagmus affects about 1 in 2000 people. One survey in Oxfordshire, England identified 1 in every 670 children by the age of two. Like all vision problems there are many levels. Each person is different.

I’m in a bit of a; I guess you would say, mid life crises. I’m 28 years old, living at home, do not drive, and from a sheltered life have had little get around experience. Though I am not blind, I feel as if, maybe I would have been better off blind.

To get over the fear of traveling and other such things. In school, there was my Mobility Instructor from the schools Intermediate Unit… But with over protective parents, I was never sent to suggested camps, bus rides, and public transpiration outings. Only simple around the block skills.

I find this severely limiting now… As mom gets older, I am scared to death at where this leaves me. And the realization of childhood, and the well-meaning aunts, uncles, and grandparents who professed “We will always be there for you, and take you where you need to gois not the reality of my life today.

This innate fear of independent travel and alone travel has potentially cost me a spot on the USA Paralympic Blind Judo Team, to say the least an opportunity to train with them.

I am at this point taking steps to overcome this, the fear of travel, and the fear of independence. This web site is the start of a journey. With the inspiration of a friend, and his own journey, a will to walk with his service dog, and be less limited by Cerebral Palsy.

Cole and Ilia… simply… THANK YOU!
Yes Cole, even sensei is scared sometimes… 

Readers, please submit your comments, questions, thoughts. It’s what will keep this blog going.

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3 Responses to Down the Rabbit Hole…

  1. Michelle says:

    Hi, Sensei!

    Well, I think you should send this post to any CN groups that are out there. I’m guessing you’re speaking for a lot of them; caught between disabled and not, balancing between being sighted and not.

    Watching my own son work so hard to overcome his disability has taught me so much; I guess to an extent we are all unwilling participants in the disibility classroom of life. It amazes me, though, how much Cole has touched the lives of others.

    And I have no doubt that as a Judo sensei you do the same; just by showing up to class and teaching. Those who come to learn from you chose you because you inspire them. That’s a pretty big gift.

    In the end we are all fearful of something. It’s what we do with that knowing, I think, that counts. I’ve no doubt that seeing Cole with Ilia has given you the courage to start looking at your circumstances differently. Now you can take this new perspective and apply a better, forward moving energy to those circumstances.

    After all, what is there to do when one one goes down the rabbit hole, but come back up?

    You rock.

    ~Michelle
    Cole’s Mommy

  2. Ellen says:

    Hi, Richard. I didn’t know what to expect when you mentioned your blog… Wow. You have certainly been down a long road. What is amazing to me is how much you’ve helped Cole, along with other kids in your classes.

    Clearly, you have the power to rise above your challenges to help others – I just sense that you have the power to rise above your fears and conquer what’s stopping you from progressing in life. You gave me good advice in your e-mail.

    I will tell you this: I am a very proudly indpendent person but I have learned to let people help me. I do it for my son. You should do it for yourself.
    —Ellen

  3. Rich says:

    Thanks Michelle, and Ellen… Stay in touch…

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